


My Husband and My Ex Play Truth or Drink (Eric and Kent)

by ICarryDeathOnMyWings



Series: Truth or Drink [6]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Drinking, Fluff, I LOVE ALL MY BOYS, M/M, Scraps' name is Jay, Truth or Drink, i dont think i even mention the overdose, talking about sex, yall should be proud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27396550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICarryDeathOnMyWings/pseuds/ICarryDeathOnMyWings
Summary: Kent and Eric play truth or drink about Jack
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle & Kent "Parse" Parson, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Kent "Parse" Parson & Jack Zimmermann, Kent "Parse" Parson/Scraps (Check Please!), past jack/kent - Relationship
Series: Truth or Drink [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971985
Comments: 4
Kudos: 95





	My Husband and My Ex Play Truth or Drink (Eric and Kent)

**Author's Note:**

> JAY IS SCRAPS AND SCRAPS IS JAY AND HE AND KENT ARE IN LOVE. This bit is from Disaster Draft (which y'all should read) but that's the only overlap.

**My Husband and My Ex Play Truth or Drink (Eric and Kent)**

“Hi, y’all! I’m Eric Bittle-Zimmermann!” 

“And if you don’t know who I am, you should probably get a fucking clue- _ow_ why’d you kick me?” 

“Don’t be obnoxious! Introduce yourself like a normal person!” 

“Fuck, fine. I’m Kent Parson, hockey superstar.” 

“You’re awful, it doesn’t even matter that you’re good at hockey.”

“They should know-” 

“They’re not gonna care-” 

Producer: “So, how do you two know each other?” 

“Oh, I used to date his husband like, a million years ago.” 

“Or twelves years, but yeah, a million is close.” 

“Why do you know when we were together?” 

“I… can do math?” 

~~

“Oh, no- we really are starting off with the good questions right away-” *takes a shot* “Do you think my husband’s penis is smaller or larger than average?” 

*takes a shot* “Fuck, man, bigger. For sure. Like- you know.” 

“I- yes, yes, I do know-” 

P: “And how does he compare to Jay?” 

“Uh- that wasn’t the original question-” 

(Jay, from off-screen): “It’s fine, kitten. We all know Jack is hung like a horse and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m smaller than he is.” 

~~

“What was your favorite sex position with Jack and what was _his_ favorite?” 

“Hm, well, his favorite was giving oral-” 

“Still is-” 

“He’s pretty damn good at it-” 

“He really is-” 

“But my favorite? Was probably anytime we were able to be in bed. I wasn’t picky. Could be any bed! But it was a lot better than the back of one of our cars or in the empty locker room.” 

“Isn’t that fun though?” 

“Why are you whispering, we’re wearing mics, they’ll hear us no matter how quiet we are. But yes, it is fun.” 

~~

“Would you ever invite me to have a threesome with you two?”

“You mean if you weren’t in a very happy and healthy relationship? I don’t think that we would. Jack can really only focus on one person at a time. Though, Jack did have a dream-”

Jack: “Bits, don’t you dare.” 

“I’m not! I’m just sayin’ you had a dream once. Perfectly innocent.” *takes a shot* “Would you ever want to join us?” 

“Ha! No, sorry. Been there, done that. Well, not you, Jack, I mean.” 

Jay: “Oh, I would. Not that you asked.” 

Jack: “I’m sorry, what?” 

Jay: “I’m the only one of us who hasn’t gotten a chance with Jack Zimmermann, and I would not let that opportunity pass me by.” 

Jack: “I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t exactly my type.” 

Jay: “Short and blonde?-” 

“Fuck off, I’m not _short_!” 

“I’m not short! I’m perfectly average!”

Jay: “You may be correct but I am Bitty’s type.” 

“...dark-haired?” 

Jay: “Rich hockey player.” 

“Makin’ me sound like a gold digger, Jay. I liked Jack before he was a rich hockey player. That’s just a bonus.” 

~~

“This is a good one. What is the meanest thing my ex has said about me? And you can’t drink, I’m forbidding it.”

“That Jack has said about you? I’m not sure- I don’t think anything? At least when you’re not around. When we’re all together then he’s awful- you two are real mean to each other, did you know that?” 

“It’s because we don’t have any other way to express our feelings.” 

“You could try… bein' nice?” 

“Nah, that’s no fun.” 

~~  
“Would you ever want to get back with Jack if I weren’t in the picture?” 

*takes a shot* “Fuck no. Sorry, Jack. Not in a million fucking years.” 

Jack: “You’re good. I feel the same way.” 

“Oh, you do? What’s wrong with me? Hm?” 

Jack: “You’re fucking insane.” 

Jay: “He is.” 

“Oh fuck off or you’re sleeping on the couch-” 

Jay: “Oh no, I’m so scared. The last time you made me sleep on the couch was because I didn’t cry over Love, Actually-” 

“I’ve never watched that movie in my life, he’s crazy-” 

Jay: “And you lasted all of ten minutes before joining me there. Your threats mean nothing.” 

~~

“Who does Jack’s parents like more? You or me?” 

“Oh, you. They love you, maybe even more than they love Jack. I was never- well, Bob liked my hockey but I think that’s it.” 

Jack: “That’s not true, Papa liked you for more than that, and so did Maman. They think you’re funny.” 

~~

“Did you ever hook up with my partner after we started dating?” 

“Nah, there wasn’t any chance to do that since we weren’t talking. Not that I would do that anyway, fuck, that would be awful of me. Though, I did know that he was pining after you during that kegster and still… you know.” 

“Oh, yeah, that was aw- _wait._ You two- in the _Haus_?!” 

Jack: “No! It was just- it wasn’t really- euh- stopped so fast. And- euh-” 

“But in the Haus Jack! The Haus is sacred!” 

Jack: “The Haus is anything but sacred, bud. Need I remind you about what-” 

“Nope! Who’s turn is it to ask the next question?” 

~~

“Do you think I’m a good match for my partner?” 

“Is that a trick question? You two are the most disgusting couple I know- all _in love_ and shit. It’s awful but… it’s nice too. I’ve really never seen two people more in love- minus me and Jay.” 

“You and Jay are gross. You think Jack and I are bad? Look in a mirror.” 

~~

“Has my ex ever called out my name while the two of you were having sex? Ha! I’m actually curious about this.” 

“Hm… no, I don’t think so. I’m sure I’d remember if he had-” 

“Oh! I know, Jack, have you ever thought about me while you and Bitty were fucking?” 

Jack: “No, I’ve only ever thought about Bits when we’re together. Or- okay, I thought about hockey plays a few times.” 

“...I can’t believe- you didn’t- I-” *takes a shot but is laughing too hard to drink it* “I’ve never heard you say anything that’s more _Jack Zimmermann_ than that- fuck.”

~~

“Did Jack ever cheat on you?” 

“Nope. Not a once. Unless he hid it well but he’s such a fucking awful liar.” 

“He’s really the worst, isn’t he? I noticed once he had left a duffel bag out, which I thought was just hockey stuff. But when I asked he got all flustered, and wouldn’t look me in the eye. All he had to do was say ‘yes, sorry, I’ll put it away’, but he couldn’t even manage that.” 

“What was it for?” 

“Hm? Oh! He was surprising me with a weekend away so was packing for us.” 

“Disgusting.”

~~

“Did you ever consider marriage?” 

“Hahahahahahah, me and Jack? Are you kidding?” *takes a shot* “We could barely make it week to week, forget about the rest of our lives.”

~~

“Who do you think is objectively more attractive? You or me?” 

*takes a shot* “This is rigged.” 

“Not going to answer then?” *takes a shot* 

“I say me, and sound concede and get Jack mad at me-” 

Jack: “I wouldn’t-” 

“Can it, peanut gallery. You would. Or I say you and then I don’t sound nearly as cocky and confident as I am. Can I say we’re attractive in different ways? Though I’m… more… so.” 

“Ha! So much for not answering.” 

“We should ask Jack.” 

“Now, that’s not fair, Kent-” 

“Jack! Who’s more attractive? Me or Bits?” 

Jack: “Bits is.” 

“Fuck me, there was no hesitation there at all. I think I’m hurt.” 

Jay: “Nah, babe, you’re gorgeous. He’s just jealous” 

Jack: “Jealous? I’m jealous of what-” 

~~

“Have you ever been jealous of me?” 

“Ah, fuck. Yeah, yes. For a really long time I was because you had everything and I was still in the closet. That was rough… but I’m not anymore! And we’re friends. It's all good.”  
~~

“Have you two ever gotten close to breaking up and what happened?” 

“No, not once. We have arguments, of course, we do, but not once have we ever threatened a breakup. The only real rough patch we had was in my junior year, when I had to hide us but we talked about it, told our friends.” 

“Who even has communication skills that good? No one, that’s who. Certainly not Jack Zimmermann.” 

~~

“Should we be closer friends and hang out more?” 

“You mean more than we already do? You’re worse than Tater during the season and Tater actually lived with us for a while.” 

“I add some much-needed spice to your life-” 

“I’m quite happy with the level of spice in my life. You just miss your boyfriend.” 

“Oh, fuck off. If your life were a spice it'd be flour! But I'm not at your house because I miss Jay. That’s something only soft people feel. Missing people. Fucking ridiculous.” 

“Mhm.” 

~~

“I- oh- What was the kinkiest thing you and my partner ever did?” 

“...I’m not sure we really did anything that kinky? We were too worried about getting caught to get too into things. I suppose we had our fair share of vaguely public fucking. That’s pretty kinky, right? What about you two?” 

*takes a shot* “That’s our business.” 

“Mhm. I’ve seen those heels-”

~~

“On a scale of one to ten how good was the sex?” 

“The sex was fucking awful looking back but I’d still give it… a seven.” 

Jack: “Fuck is that it? That’s low.” 

“What would you rate the sex then?” 

Jack: “...probably the same.” 

“Thought so. Shut the fuck up then, this isn’t about you. Or, well, it is, but whatever.” 

~~  
“Is any part of you not over the breakup? Any regrets? Why don’t we drink?” *pours them each a shot* 

“Thank you." *takes the shot*

~~

“Who broke up with who and how did it go down?” 

*takes a shot* “Fuck that question.” 

~~

“On the count of three, let’s both say the grossest thing that comes to mind when we think of our mutual person.” 

P: “One-” 

“I can’t answer that! It’s been too long since he and I were toge-” 

P: “Two- three!” 

“He clips his toenails on the couch.”

“He wouldn’t put his clothes in the laundry- wait, he clips his nails on the couch?” 

“Yes! And then _leaves them there_! It’s really your worst quality, sweetpea.” 

~~

P: “Well? Did you have fun?” 

“Yes! That was great!” 

“One more for the road?” *pours them a shot* “To Jack, for having excellent taste in men.” *takes the shot*

“To Jack.” *takes the shot*

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck, fuck, fuck, this is my 30th Check, Please! fic and I'm shook. Who even has the time to write so man fanfics? What am I doing with my life? 
> 
> Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me but nope. Y'all aren't that lucky. After writing Disaster Draft I have become obsessed with Parse and the friendship they all could have because I love their dynamic. I hope you do too! Please leave a kudos and comment, they're greatly appreciated and thanks for checking this story out! 
> 
> :)


End file.
